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07:09pm 18/09/2006
 
mood: happy
So, you know what the best thing ever is? Finding $50 bucks in a pile of garbage that you were just about to throw out. Oh man, finding money is the coolest.
So how is everybody?
Chris and I live in Portland (OR) now. We're starting school next week...that's pretty much my life. It's nice, green and rainy here, I think I'll stay for a while.
So I started going through my old camcorder videos and I found one of Jen, Robin and I bum-fighting when we were fourteen. When ever you guys come up here we'll have to have a movie marathon or something.
I really like living here. Chris and I went hiking the other day up some huge rock in Washington and I almost fell off of it. Well, I did fall four feet or so, but the rock was 900 feet so I was pretty lucky. It was mossy and wet because it rained the day before so trying to climb up the non-rail guarded parts was probably a stupid idea. Ah well, I'm alive. The only think I don't like about this place are the creepy spiders. They're huge, usually around the size of a quarter, and they make the grossest crunching sound I've ever heard when I -I mean Chris- squishes them.

Well, just wanted people to know that I'm alive.
 
     

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11:10pm 24/07/2005
 
mood: blank
Well, I'm moving to Reno within a week or so.

Let's do something.
 
     

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04:38pm 12/05/2005
 
mood: stressed
So, I realized I haven't written in this thing for a while, which is weird, because I'm always on it looking at other people's ljs.

Nothing much has happened in the past five months. Actually, I kid, a lot has.

I crashed my car back in January, which totally sucked, but everybody knows about that so there's no need to elaborate. I get pissed off when I think about it anyway.

Also, I've been neglecting my friend's a lot lately for...you guessed it...a boy. I feel pretty bad about it.
My only real defense is that I love him, which to me, seems like a pretty lousy means of defense. It's hard to schedule time with friend's because he and I sort of got into this routine of hanging out all the time. If I was crafty, I could figure out a way to balance these things out. I'll just have to try harder.

Anyway, prom's tomorrow. I've been really stressed out about it and I keep imagining hitting people who are in my way with my purse when I walk down the halls. I'll be glad when it's over. I'll still probably want to hit people though.
 
     

(5 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
07:42pm 31/12/2004
 
mood: anxious
In twenty four hours I will be dangerously close to Tokyo. The only thing I’ve learned to say in Japanese is “I’m a foreigner.” Not that they’d need me to tell them...

Happy new years everyone.

And happy birthday to me. I’m turning the big 1-8. Since I’m going forward in time, I’ll sort of be eighteen tomorrow rather than the day after tomorrow. I can go into a porn shop 17 hours earlier than I usually would be able to.

Bye-bye.
 
     

(5 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
11:15pm 29/12/2004
 
mood: like a lame emo kid
It’s like dangling on the edge of a cliff, secure in your harness, but you’re not moving. You can’t quite seem to reach the top of the mountain, so you just look down. Everything looks so picturesque from where you are.
You can go about the day functioning spectacularly. You do what needs to be done and end up nowhere.

Part of me died this year. But maybe emotion is like an appendix. We don’t really need it. I used to always compare the capacity of love that one person can have for another with the sonnets of Shakespeare and Spenser. The passion of Beethoven’s symphonies. The beauty of Van Gogh’s paintings.
I failed to realize that we’ve evolved past that. We no longer need love because it doesn’t attribute to the amount of money that we make annually. It doesn’t make cell phones any smaller or computers any faster. It does nothing but leave us with unnecessary obligations. I’m just thankful that I realized this at a young age so that I no longer need to squander my life away reaching the unattainable goal of being loved.
 
     

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12:45pm 05/12/2004
 
mood: satisfied
So I'm officially going to Japan.

I'm leaving the 1st of January and coming back on the 11th. I'll arrive in Tokyo on January 2nd (my 18th birthday), and I think that my first purchase there will be a fifth of vodka and some porn. Maybe.

Then I'll take a bunch of pictures in Tokyo and gage people's reaction to my crackerness. Then hop on a train to Fukuoka and meet up with Aubrey. I guess I should start learning some basic Japanese...
 
     

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My room smells like barbeque sauce.   
08:52am 01/12/2004
  Is anyone else out there horribly sick? ‘Cause I sure am. Weird smells make me gag. I can’t breathe. Oh well.

The past couple of weeks I’ve tried my hardest to not punch everyone I see. I’m just pissed off at everyone and their stupidity. I can deal with lack of intelligence, but having no common sense irks me.

I sort of failed last night with the whole trying to be a good person thing. sort of. My sister spat at me because I wouldn’t take her to Taco Bell...right in the face. I was totally taken aback. So I did the only thing that I could do. I spat back. Since I can’t properly spit, my saliva ended up dripping down my own chin rather than her’s. Then she punched me in the mouth and got out of the car.

Sometimes I just want to inject her veins with windex.

Yesterday wasn’t all bad though. Actually, it was very good up until that point. I had a good morning, a good nap, and some guy tipped me ten dollars for making his sandwich. Not shabby.
 
     

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01:56pm 04/11/2004
 
mood: tired
Holy Christ, I got a job.

So yeah, I'm not like a CEO or anything, but at least it's something (I work at Subway).

It’s better than fried food when one considers the grossness factor, but it’s sort of intimidating making all the food in front of the customers. I now have a greater appreciation for the food-makers of America.

I think I’ll apply to Barnes & Noble when I turn 18 though. Or something where I can talk to people about something other than sandwiches.

Anyway, come and visit me! It’s the new one on Madison and Dewey. If it’s busy though, I can’t promise much chit chat. Oh well.
 
     

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04:19pm 19/09/2004
 
mood: bored
In case any of you folks decide, “Hey. I feel like going out to see a cute little undergroundish film” within the next two weeks, don’t go see “Pauly Shore is Dead”. Worst Pauly Shore movie Ever. I did, however, learn one thing. The Weas is spelt “The Weiz” rather than “The Weas”. So I guess my $8.50 didn’t entirely go to waste.

Four days without a cigarette, go me! Only about 22,000 more until I die and don’t have to worry about it anymore. Until then, I’m stocked with tasty gum.

Somebody should come over here tomorrow and eat leftover boston cream pie with me. I’m lonely...
 
     

(9 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
06:37pm 19/07/2004
 
mood: allriiggghhttt
I wish I had a smidge more of a life. Maybe then I could find something interesting to update about.
The farthest back I can remember is yesterday, so I’ll talk about that.

Ok, so it started when I woke up at around 11:30 at Katy and Emma’s house. We watched a documentary about the health problems Hitler had on the history channel. I found the book The Rules in their mom’s room. So I started reading it. My favorite rule was entitled “don’t tell your therapist about The Rules”. If one actually has to do the stuff they said in there to get a husband, I’m just going to be a cat lady.
After that, we went to McDonald’s and bugged Jen at work. I snapped my fingers at her and everything, and she HAD to be nice to me! She even called me ma’am. We also ran into an old chum from elementary school. I didn’t recognize, but Katy and Emma did. I was at a lost for what to say...so I just talked about how hot it was.
I came home and had a powerful lust to play video games, so I went to my dad’s house. Personally, I’m a Super Mario Brother’s fan, but since my little brother and sister chewed on the Nintendo cords, I had to play Mediaeval on Sony. My little sister cried when I left, so I had to sneak out. I must have smoked about a thousand cigarettes on the way home.
I finally got home, about an hour after I left my dad’s (which is really only a five minute drive on a day with heavy traffic). I was light headed from all the cigarettes, so I just went up stairs and poured about a gallon of cheap perfume on. I hadn’t brushed my teeth all day, and didn’t feel much like starting, so I popped a stick of gum into my mouth and felt content.
I watched Southpark for about 3 hours, and then switched over to Hedwig and the Angry Inch on the independent film channel (my new favorite channel). I decided then that transvestites/transsexuals were super cool. I went up stairs and started to pencil in my eyebrows to give myself more of a manly look. Then I decided to add a little douche goatee (in a style known as the "office party" ) . I put on some man clothes and danced around my room. In retrospect, the goatee was a bit much. I’m not a pretty man.

Woo hoo! It sounds like I'm getting a baby sitting job.

Lets go have ourselves a fracas.
 
     

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02:20am 29/06/2004
  My sleep schedule has gone completely awry. I cause myself to stay up late, and, being too afraid of silence and emptiness (and Satan for some reason), I resort to watching stories on the true life movie channel.
Today was a special on Ted Bundy. Yesterday it was Jeffrey Dahmer.
Once every couple days I call up somebody and ask them to do something in an attempt to ward off the ailments of summer time depression. When they offer to keep me company, I backout.
I blame this on my lack of motivation when it come to dressing myself.
When people call me, I backout as well.
I blame this partially on my lack of interest when it comes to putting on something other than holey boxers and stained t shirts and partially on them only wanting rides and to partake in illegal activities.
Whatever happened to swimming and playing tag and hide and go seek and eating hamburgers?
Oh yeah. I became sensitive to chlorine, stopped going outside or participating in anything physical thus acquiring bad asthma, pissed myself when I was eight (or was it nine?) for hiding too long leaving mental scars, and became a vegetarian. Respectively.

Just like last Summer, this one is going to be exceedingly boring and sad. Well, less sad than last Summer because depression is overrated, and anyways, I’m actually a robot so I don’t have feelings. Only little robot ones that can only be expressed in a series of bleeps and bloops.
 
     

(41 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
12:22am 10/06/2004
  Finals are almost over, and today, just randomly, I decided that I don’t want to go to Mira Loma next year. What I’m probably going to end up doing is taking a semester off and do independent studies because that seems to be the only way I can graduate.
This month has sucked beyond belief. From finding out that this is the only way I can possibly graduate (or at least have a presentable transcript for colleges), to getting my back pack searched for “marijuana cigarettes”, to ditching the SATs, to crying just about everyday at the stupidest things imaginable. I Am Sam made me cry! That little girl looks way too much like my little sister. God dammit.

Oh well. I’m leaving for Hawaii on Sunday. Anybody want a post card?
 
     

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02:57pm 23/05/2004
 
mood: blank
I hate weekends. They’re just so fun and tempting...they make you want to stop going to school all together.

I only went to school one day last week. I had a legitimate excuse the first two days (IB testing), but those other days I ditched, I just sat around watching movies (such as Love Stinks, Encino Man, Donnie Darko, and Friday) and went to the river to smoke.

Anyway, I really wish people would stop trying to have sex with my sister. It creeps me out.

Goodnight?
Goodnight!
 
     

(18 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
11:15pm 15/05/2004
  IB anthro test = fuuucckkk

I hate everyone. Especially those assholes who came up with that “I believe in a thing called love” song because I don’t believe in a thing called love. Plus, the song reminds me of retarded kids trying to yodel.

Anyways, in the words of a t-shirt that I once read, “I don’t want to talk about my feelings, I just want to get drunk and fuck.”

But instead of liquor, I’ll have a dr. pepper, and sex will be replaced with playing tetris.

Time to go crush cans on my forehead.
 
     

(25 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
05:15pm 06/05/2004
  I got called into the SAP office the other day. SAP (student assistance program), for those of you that don't know, is some lame attempt that the school makes to ensure the mental stability of its students by placing forms all over the school so that any joe shmoe can express concern about you. Once the form is in, the counselor calls the 'crazy' person down to talk with her.
They called me out of Anthro (the most important class in the world) so that I had a chance to talk about my 'feelings'.

It went a little something like this:

Counselor: So, have you been having any problems at school recently.
Me: Uh, not that I know of. Who signed me up for this?
Counselor: It's confidential.
Me: Oh. Was there any reason on there that said I should talk to you?
Counselor: No there wasn't.
Me: Oh, so, ummm....yeah...I'm cool.

They should've talked to me last year, because now I actually am cool! Well, ok, not cool in the 'hip' sense. I've actually gotten a slight bit crazier since last year, but it's more like, "Look! I'm Napoleon" crazy rather than "Let's go drink a bottle of bleach" crazy

Now you all can have wholesome fun like Robin and me.

Be prosperous.
 
     

(10 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
05:09pm 01/05/2004
 
mood: boooorrreddd
Hey, does anybody want to do anything? ‘Cause I sure do. Something, anything. Well, actually, what I really want to do is discuss existentialism and nihilism over coffee. I’ll settle for go-carts and videogames though. Even a movie. I don’t care. Just as long as I don’t have to settle with hanging out with people who I secretly think are borderline retarded, I’m set.

All the cool people are out of town or have strict parents. For shame on God.

Fuck it. I’m just going to sit around in my pajamas and oily hair and laugh like Bill Cosby. Bastards.
 
     

(17 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
07:01pm 22/03/2004
 
mood: angry
Not for any of you people, but stillCollapse )

So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm a little pissed. This weekend is going to be a 24/2 booze fest.
 
     

(16 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
10:13pm 21/03/2004
 
mood: sad
This one fucker, cntchths15, is breaking my heart because she's leaving for Japan for 10 months.

I cried after I hugged her goodbye because I'm a huge wuss. I love you man.

Us when I visit you in japan in August...Collapse )

The honor girl after a 'fun' afternoon at the parkCollapse )

have fun!
 
     

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07:39pm 18/03/2004
  I need to post more often. But until then...

fun with cameras at school...Collapse )
 
     

(16 failed | Let a rabbi inspect you)

 
   
10:13am 22/02/2004
 
mood: annoyed
I have never hated my family more than I do right now. They are having some type of "intervention" for my mom, which is totally stupid because nothing will come of it, and they're trying to clean up the house while I'm doing homework. I had to wake up hearing grown women crying and acting over emotional. Shannon and I decided to avoid the whole thing and sat in my room listening in on their conversation only to laugh at them.

This whole invading my immediate family's privacy isn't the issue that I'm most upset about though. I'm doing this report on vernal pools, and my aunt saw me typing it and told me about her experience's with vernal pools. she told me that she visited some last year and all her husband could think about was the devolopment that his company could do out there. That statement makes me want to destroy suburban homes and apartment complexes in order to plant trees and allow streams to flow through the area. Bastard Republicans.
 
     

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